“What is an Abyssinian?”

What is an Abyssinian?

I found this during a random Google search, and it cracked me up. What hit closest to home was this list of ways your life changes once an Aby joins your family:

  1. You will never again sleep past 4:00 a.m. Like a wolf, an Aby feels that predawn is the hour to hunt (but then he also hunts on and off all day). The problem is that he needs you to help him find his prey. At first he may just stand over your head and stare at you, but soon he’ll develop a heavy purr. Only the extremely naive will suppose that the purr expresses devotion. If you have not responded within a reasonable time, he may begin to nibble at your nose or toes. Occasionally he’ll burrow into your hair and try to get some of it between his teeth. Within thirty minutes you will be in the kitchen, can opener poised.
  2. You’ll never eat alone. Even if you are eating food the cat doesn’t like (in my experience, only grapefruit), he will develop a taste for it. He will steal anything in the pot or on the plate — from croissant to steak or corn on the cob — and drag it to whatever place he considers his lair. You will never be able to sit through a meal when an Aby is nearby. Fortunately, they don’t mind being removed to another room. Unfortunately, this action never inspires reform.
  3. You will have to sneak in and out of your home like a criminal. This is to prevent your Aby from running away. When I open my front door to greet visitors, I clutch my Aby in my arms. No doubt my visitors now talk behind my back about my neurotic attachment. It’s actually self-defense. To my shame, my Aby has been known to flee into strangers’ apartments and hide under their beds. He has rushed into the elevator and descended alone to the lobby. On one horrible night, without my knowing it, he slid through a partially open window to the fire escape where he sat overnight one flight above his real home. I hope he missed me.

Oh, so very, very true…