Aby-a-Day – 15 April: ” He was my North, my South, my East and West, my working week and my Sunday rest…” (Medical Monday)

Warning: photos of Jacoby’s body to follow…

I was already planning to go to Jönköping last Friday before Jake so suddenly died whilst the vet was on the phone with me. I still went to visit him last Friday…Just not quite the way I intended…or wanted.

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They took me back into the same room I was in when Alfred and I said goodbye to Logan. Philippa, the same vet tech who was there with Logan, brought in his little white box.

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He didn’t look dead…just asleep.

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As if any second he would start that purr of his and snore his cute little happy snores.

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But he was so cold. I petted him all over, telling him that he missed getting his dirty dirty ears cleaned because this weekend was meant to be claw-clipping weekend. I flexed his little toes…he loved it when I massaged his paws. It was so surreal…he looked so alive. He felt like himself. He felt like my Jakey. Except he wasn’t warm and he didn’t push back when I petted him.

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I was surprised his shaved stomach looked so good. I couldn’t see any stitches at all.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

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When we left him at the hospital that Saturday night…I didn’t know it would be the last time I would see him alive. It was supposed to be “see you in a few days,” not “Goodbye forever.” Had I known, I would have held him, cuddled him, hugged him, memorised every inch of him. But I thought he’d be coming home, so we just had a few head bonks.

I miss him…it hurts so much…oh, Jakey.

9 thoughts on “Aby-a-Day – 15 April: ” He was my North, my South, my East and West, my working week and my Sunday rest…” (Medical Monday)

  1. This just breaks my heart. Because I loved Jacoby, but more importantly, I know EXACTLY the emotions you are experiencing right now and I wish there was a way to send comfort to you and Bjorn. I have done the same: examine my lost cat or dog one last time. My heart goes out to you. May you find comfort in his memory and the beautiful cat family that you have. It can’t make up for the loss, but I have found solace in the love of my other cats when the inevitable happens. Hugs. ❤

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  2. There are so many of us grieving Jake’s passing not only because he was such a exceptional cat but because you are such a thoughtful and considerate cat mom who passionately shared his adventures with us. I don’t know what to say to ease the grief except that I feel like I am a better person for having known Jake if only through your blog.

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  3. I’m so, so sorry. Goodbyes are tough under normal circumstances, but you didn’t get the one you should have with Jake. Many, many purrs to you.

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  4. so very sorry for your loss.I remember the two of you from TICA shows. I had the sphynxs, and was so impressed with how Jake tayed in his sturdi carrier.

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  5. My Nola just jumped up on my lap while I was crying and gave me a head butt and a kiss. Maybe he wants me to send you his purrs and compassion. Love, Alice & Nola

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